There is a part of my life that requires attention. More precisely, there is a part of my identity that requires attention. That is, inasmuch as anything is “required” of me. I could, after all, go on living without addressing certain issues or subconsciously-believed lies, but that probably wouldn’t be wise if I’m going to live a God-glorying life.
Frankly, I’d much rather focus on that which I feel good at and that which I enjoy. For example, I enjoy listening to sermons, sharing God’s truth with new people, and preparing myself for a continually more mission-driven life. Unfortunately, I oftentimes find myself compartmentalizing my faith in such a way that allows me to communicate the truth to others without necessarily allowing those same truths to transform my own life in important ways.
I believe God is worthy of your trust and obedience. I really, really do. I just have a really hard time living my own life in a way that demonstrates that belief as anything more than an intellectual position.
The struggle is real. I find myself able to enthusiastically nod in agreement when I hear the pastor’s preachings, and yet no more than a moment later I am able to completely empathize with and understand the man who is bound by the desires of the flesh. A foot in both camps, I feel absolutely torn between that which I know to be good and true, and that which appeals.
Those closest to me–those who know my daily struggles would ask: What is it that you want? In which direction will you go? Having batted these questions around for a while now, the only answer that makes sense is God. I want God. I want to know and feel eternal satisfaction. Nothing else will do. And look, I know–even if only on the intellectual level–that nothing will satisfy me in the way that only God can, but until my final day arrives and my eternity begins, how will I live? What does it look like to live my life starving for that which I cannot have; starving for He whom I cannot yet fully know while maintaining my integrity?
I am indebted to David Platt for the analogy of snacking before the feast. Platt once challenged his Birmingham, AL congregation to realize the foolishness of snacking before arriving at a glorious buffet. Surely, if you knew you were going to have access to the most amazing meal of your life later today, you would not snack on junk food up until then.
God: Please help. Please help me to wait patiently and obediently, rather than as one who is content to act foolishly until the trumpets sound. I don’t want to bend my knee only when it seems convenient.